Is It Easy To Be You?
“Would you say that most days it’s pretty easy to be you?”
That’s the question my long-time therapist, Joni Lavick, asked me at the start of a recent session.
It didn’t take long to answer.
“Yes. Most days it is easy to be me.”
She followed up.
“Would you say that some days it’s a joy to be you?”
After a brief reflection: “Yes. There are days it’s genuinely a joy to be Ben Kiker.”
Then she asked the third question:
“And every now and then are there days where it’s hard to be you?”
That reflection did not take as long: “You bet.”
I loved the three questions so much that I did a quick calculation during our session:
Easy days: 75%
Joyful days: 22%
Tough days: 3%
Not bad.
Except here’s how fast I forget that framework.
When 3% Feels Like 97%
This short year has delivered a couple of big hits, including the passing of our beloved Rocket and a nasty, multi-week respiratory infection. Let’s just say 2026 has not been feeling “up and to the right.”
A few days ago I woke up feeling all the uncomfortable feelings:
Sadness
Anxiety
Uncertainty
The dreaded ‘stuckness’
It didn’t take long before I started “should-ing” all over myself. My Insane Thought Generator was loud: “You shouldn’t feel this way. Look at all you have to be grateful for. Get it together; you coach clients through this all the time.”
That voice kept getting louder.
And my inner coach? Apparently it was on a union-mandated break.
After pausing and pulling up, I took the first positive action that came to me: I called Joni and moved up a previously scheduled appointment.
I continued taking positive actions that day — showing up, doing the work — but the background noise was still there.
The next day I got on the call with Joni, fully expecting to spend the entire session diving deep into root causes. I strapped on my scuba gear, and I was ready for the deep dive! After I gave her a quick synopsis, she paused and said:
“So you were having a ‘tough to be Ben’ day and instead of sliding into self-care, you slid into beating yourself up?”
And just like that — the cloud of discomfort lifted.
The Part That Made Me Laugh
After the cloud lifted I started laughing — in a good way — that in less than two weeks I had completely forgotten a framework I thought was one of the most brilliant things I’d heard in years.
Two weeks!
That reminded me why I use the word practice in my work with clients. Everything I share in 1:1 coaching sessions, workshops, and this newsletter — they are all practices.
We don’t “learn it once and lock it in.”
We practice it.
And we get better at what we practice.
Three Practices for a ‘Tough-To-Be-Me’ Day
Here’s my plan for my next ‘tough-to-be-me’ day:
1. Name the Day
The next time I wake up with the internal dial set to negative and all the uncomfortable feelings surfacing, I’m going to remind myself, “This might be a ‘tough-to-be-me’ day.” Naming it lowers the heaviness – and reminds me that there are other days in the distribution.
2. Watch the Stories
My Insane Thought Generator is more active on ‘tough-to-be-me days.’ It will generate stories – and they will not be helpful, especially ones that start with should. I’ll work to replace stories with facts.
3. Slide Into Care, Not Criticism
I’ll put three anchors for positive action into my calendar. My go-to actions include moving my body, doing some quick breathwork, repeating one of my favorite mantras, touching base with a friend to check in on how they’re doing, hitting a recovery meeting, reading something that satisfies my inner aviation geek, and spending time in my praise pile.
One Final Thought
I’d like you to pause for a moment and check in with yourself on something you've embarked on that you’d like practice. I’d love to hear it; just send me a note. As always, if there's a way I can help with that practice please let me know!
Be a light – especially to yourself.