How to Prepare for a Sweaty Five Minute Conversation

We often avoid having tough or uncomfortable conversations, even though addressing issues head-on can prevent bigger problems down the road. Gay Hendricks calls this the "sweaty ten minute conversation you don't want to have." However, I've found that most communication challenges can actually be resolved through what I call a "Sweaty Five Minute Conversation" (SFMC).

Last week I conducted a Breakthrough Offsite for a group of leaders focused on elevating their 1:1 conversations and their team discussions around strategy and planning. One of the practices we worked on? Getting more comfortable having a SFMC.

Very few of us wake up in the morning thinking, "I can't wait to have a SFMC today!" Our brains are designed to keep us safe and comfortable and NOT try brave new things. And having a SFMC is definitely a brave new thing. In addition to avoidance, the other challenge we all experience is ruminating on how we think the conversation will go. I call this the "mental tennis match" that often goes on endlessly with countless plot twists!

The next time you're in the middle of a "mental tennis match," hit pause, pull up, and follow these five steps to prepare for an effective SFMC:

  1. Define the conversation you need to have and the desired outcome.

  2. Identify what's holding you back from having the SFMC.

  3. Determine what you need to have a productive discussion (e.g. facts, questions, location).

  4. Run your plan by someone you trust for feedback.

  5. Commit to having the conversation by a specific date.

Writing down your plan will help you shift from overthinking to action. Before having the SFMC, use these three practices from my January newsletter to stay present:

  1. Take three full breaths.

  2. Say, "Thank you for the opportunity to have this SFMC."

  3. Close with "All is well."

A reminder: you can have a Sweaty Five Minute Conversation now or a painful five hour conversation later. I recently delayed having a SFMC with my husband, Rick. When we finally had the conversation he remarked, "If you had just shared it with me two weeks ago I wouldn't have liked it, but I wouldn't have had the reaction I had last night."

Ben Kiker