Seven Years, STFD, and Hitting Pause
Last month I celebrated my SB (Special Birthday) on May 22nd when I reached seven years of continuous sobriety, weekends and holidays included!
One of my favorite memories from early recovery was calling my then-sponsor one morning, sharing my plans for the day, and hearing him respond with the following before hanging up on me:
“You need to Slow The Fuck Down” (STFD).”
How rude!
Turns out, that was incredibly helpful feedback—feedback that today forms the basis of something I coach clients to practice: hit the pause button and pull up. The benefits of hitting pause and pulling up are significant, including:
Slowing our own reactivity that may be unnecessarily escalating a situation.
Helping us determine the facts of a situation vs. the story our Insane Thought Generator may be telling us.
Accessing external and internal resources—especially our strengths—that may be offline.
Most importantly, hitting pause brings us back to the present moment where we can access our strengths to make a more optimal decision. That’s why it’s the first step in my GSD Framework, a series of steps that can help you work through any obstacle, get through any crossroads moment, or tackle any crisis.
If you’re looking to practice hitting pause, try one of these three actions today:
Breathe: Use a technique like box breathing, a personal favorite that’s also used by Navy Seals.
Visualize: Imagine pressing an oversized illuminated “pause” button.
Move: A ten minute walk can help discharge excess levels of unhelpful adrenaline and cortisol.
I'll close with a timely personal example of hitting pause. Given what's happening in our country, over the last week I hit pause to listen more—and in the process realized I was witnessing something for the first time.
In my lifetime there have been many horrific actions against people of color. Many of those actions were headline-making, and the result was a burst of conversation focused on “things have to change” only to have the stories—and therefore the change—fade from memory. By hitting pause and listening, I realized this moment is more than a burst of conversation. Something meaningful is happening, and that gives me hope.
In a speech delivered at Stanford University over 50 years ago Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. remarked,
“We must help time. We must realize that the time is always ripe to do right.”
I am grateful for the millions of people who are working to help time. I commit to helping them, too.
If you’d like to learn more techniques for hitting, please follow me on Instagram. Often I’ll post short updates to my Instagram Story with examples of how I’m STFD—or a helping a client do the same. You can also check out the “Moment Coaching” section in my bio for In the Moment coaching videos. These under two-minute videos often provide examples of techniques to help you return a state of being grounded, regulated, and in the flow.
As always, thanks for stopping by! I hope you found this helpful, and I’d love to hear from you! You can email me at ben@thebenkikergroup.com, or connect with me via Instagram, Twitter or LinkedIn.